Like all things, being a creator is a conglomerate of sublime experiences to be shouted from the proverbal rooftops and experiences that shall never be spoken of. Unless you’re me. In which case, it pretty much all gets shouted from the proverbial rooftops. Because I clearly have a compulsion to share my embarrassments and shortcomings.
For instance, my gut reaction to stumbling across amazing artwork, music, and writing is a mixture of awe and jealousy. I mean, when I stumble across something I love, I know that I LOVE it because the art just sweeps through me, simultaneoulsy fascinating me and making me upset/jealous that I have never made anything like it. Going to music festivals or seeing musicians perform live makes me itch to snatch the guitars / other instruments from their hands and belt out my own songs–EVEN THOUGH I AM ALSO PERFECTLY HAPPY LISTENING TO THEIR BRILLIANCE. Reading a novel that sucks me in and makes me wish the world and people within it are real ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO DROP THE BOOK, GRAB A PEN, AND SEND ANOTHER OF MY OWN WORLDS OUT INTO THIS WORLD.
It also, clearly, makes me a bit shouty.
I have to strike a balance between giving my attention, appreciation, and honest ear / eye to other artists, supporting them and their efforts to send their thought-babies out into the world, and giving myself the support and time and space needed to push my own creations out into the world.
In fact, I think that once one becomes a creator, one no longer has the capacity to be a FAN in the simplest, most straighforward way. One is always a fan and colleague, a fan and fellow creator. And often, the creator bit HAS TO come first, even though it is vital to support other creators.
I have no idea if this is something all creative people struggle with, or if it’s just another strange part of my crazy personality. I have no idea if this crazy ramble even makes sense to anybody else–which is another constant about being a creator. Uncertainty.
Anyway, “Knope–er, I mean FLOYD– out.” *drops mic* *dives to catch mic in hands before it actually hits the floor because mics are #%@^&$ expensive and important* *smiles sheepishly while placing mic back in stand* *slinks off of the soapbox*